If your parents are continually passing on news of the “ I’m also assuming this is being handled. If the person is calling to shower disappointment on you, they can be disappointed about how they didn’t get to do that. Do you have a wedding party person or gregarious friend who can be Dad-buffer at the wedding? Even nice families where everyone likes each other stress each other out around big life events. The great Offbeat Bride team has some pieces about how to implement this: 1) “Introvert wedding survival tips and weddings for shy people” 2) “Avoid wedding day memory loss: How to slow down and actually remember your wedding.” If you’re only finding that site 30 days before the big day, I’m sorry! What I’d add to Offbeat Bride’s lists for introverts: 3) Give your eyes breaks. Turns out that is much too long to look deeply into into someone’s eyes, even the eyes of your favorite person. Our photographer knew and he was great at gently and quickly getting the stuff he knew we’d want someday.
The designated person makes pleasant party small talk with your dad – “” – and you get a little breathing room and permission to relax between now and then. He made it fun and low key and gave me breaks and I didn’t feel surveilled or pinned down by a lens the whole time.
She did not body-police me…much…but she about bit through her tongue to not do it and would always mention conspicuously how she wanted to lose about x more pounds before she bought something to wear. She also did the maddening thing she does where she walks very very fast until she’s far ahead of me and then stops and impatiently glares at me until I catch up.
Me: “Mmmhmm.” About a year beforehand I brought a wedding dress on clearance (literally the first thing I saw online that met the criteria of “might fit” and “don’t hate”) that I ended up wearing on my actual wedding day (yay! My knee had been healing but I re-aggravated it trying to keep up with her the whole weekend. Awkward put a stop to that when he came out with us on the last day.
I had invited her to stop by our hotel room but she never came. and I was like WELL I DO WANT TO BE MARRIED TO YOU BUT THE REST OF THAT IS A VERY GOOD QUESTION and he was like OH MY GOD, CAN YOU JUST LIKE TRY TO HAVE FUN AND ENJOY THE STUPID LITTLE TRADITIONS BECAUSE THEY MAKE OTHER PEOPLE HAPPY AND IT’S PART OF WHAT YOU DO WHEN YOU HAVE A WEDDING and I was like I AM HAVING A LOT OF ANXIETY RIGHT NOW, SO, NO, PROBABLY NOT?
It infuriated my wedding party ladies that she didn’t but I think it was a gift that she didn’t, the gift of breathing room. Awkward asked when we were going to have people throw rice. And he was like, you know, when you leave, and people throw rice. And he was like, well, in my family, we make little bags of rice, and then we throw it when the couple leaves the venue, and that thing where it supposedly hurts birds is not real, so, I’d like it to be rice and not glitter or bubbles or whatever. I SEE NO RICE IN MY BUDGET, THE ONE I LOOK AT EVERY DAY. and he was like My mom and sisters can do it and I’m like okay, did you ask them, and he’s like well, it’s a little late for that now, and I’m like okay, so… AND WHY IS THIS THE FIRST TIME I’M HEARING ABOUT YOUR DEEP NEED TO BE PELTED WITH GRAIN?
But I am both a strong communicator and a strong woman and it is hard to feel like letting it go is letting him win.
) but I would have paid 10x that even if I didn’t wear it because it allowed to say, truthfully, “Aw, thanks for the offer to go wedding dress shopping, that’s so sweet, but I already have my dress! My mom came out for a nice shower that my friends threw in the summer. When she’d walk ahead, he’d stop walking and wait for her to do the glare thing.
“” And he’d stand until she had to walk back to where we were and before we’d start off again.
And I was like, okay, I understand that people do that, but again I ask you, what? He stormed off and called his mom for their weekly chat. ” and “Can you die of decision fatigue” When he came out of the bedroom after the phone call he apologized for yelling at me and for introducing changes to the wedding plan past the statute of wedding planning limitations and we both said a bunch of mushy stuff that I don’t remember and fell asleep in front of the TV.
And he was like RICE, WHEN THE PEOPLE THROW THE RICE. And then a week later, we had a party where we got married at it.