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Before heading home, J and I planned a date for that Thursday.We exchanged numbers, kissed, said our goodbyes, and I left feeling quite pleased with myself, knowing that I had played my cards right. I wasn’t expecting a call on Monday or Tuesday because of the ‘rules’ and all that, but by Wednesday night I started to feel a little panicked. By 7 pm I had two choices: resign myself to the fact that he isn’t into me, or do something I had never, ever done before- call him. As the phone rang I practiced the message I would leave on his voicemail in my head but was interrupted when, to my astonishment, a very perplexed-sounding J answered the phone. One very common mistake the Cheated Upon make is believing it is all way more complicated than that. But the reasons simply boil down to — greed, opportunity, and not caring. If the phone call was that awkward I didn’t even wanna think about how awful an actual date would be!I didn’t get it, he was so into me that weekend, what could have possibly changed so dramatically?

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But if you want to, um, then yeah, sure okay I guess I mean if you want to” “Um okay.

Untangling the skein of fuckupedness is a coping mechanism. Hell, they don’t have to invent an excuse for their behavior, you’re doing all the work for them.

You want to figure out what makes your cheater tick so you can ensure that they never do anything so devastatingly hurtful again. There is nothing they can say by way of explanation that is not self serving and self pitying.

Experience is the best teacher of all and this particular experience was an eye-opener and game-changer for sure. I met up with a friend one Saturday afternoon at a bar for a football game. He was cute, charming, and we seriously hit it off right away.

Our afternoon of fun turned into a night out and me, my friend, J, and his friend bar-hopped, talked, laughed, danced, and played pool until the wee hours.