In earlier generations the joke (and it was so true) was that men would not stop and ask for directions when lost.
They would drive for hours, lost, but refuse to ask for help and instead try to find where they needed to go on their own. GPS has changed that, but you get the point: Guys don't like to be vulnerable or appear weak.”The good news is that this is beginning to change.“Our culture has shifted and men have been socialized to be more open and vulnerable,” says Coleman. Society has a ways to go in all things gender equality, and that includes emotional honesty and exploration for men.
“The greater the shock of the loss, the longer it takes to recover.”But why would men be less prepared than women?
In Brown’s estimations, it comes down to knowing just how attached you are to your partner — a cognizance that may more easily manifest in women than men.“Women tend to recover faster because they know how attached they are to their partners, so the shock isn't as great,” says Brown.
A recent study found that while break-ups take a more immediate emotional toll on women, men often "never fully recover — they simply move on."I consulted a few mental health and relationship experts to learn more.
Gary Brown, a licensed marriage and family therapist in Los Angeles.Recently I asked my fiancé (miraculously, I landed a guy who pines after me!) and he agrees with this sentiment, adding that were it not for therapy, he probably wouldn’t have met me because he probably wouldn’t have gone on to Ok Cupid (it works!And not to his high school sweetheart, but to someone he probably met after we dated (but not long after).I went to her Instagram looking for answers to impossible questions like “Why her and not me?) because he probably wouldn’t have felt ready to date again.It turns out there's some science to back up my hard-earned (and real life) conclusions.As such they’re missing out on the tools that may be invaluable to anyone going through a loss or trauma.“Males lean heavily towards a belief that they should be able to deal with their own problems and solve them themselves,” says Coleman.“Asking for help has always been perceived as a weakness.When I was 27 I started seeing a guy (let’s call him Brad), who was 10 years my senior. I was infatuated, revering Brad as the most wonderful guy I’d ever met, let alone dated. One of them was an ex he’d parted ways with over two decades ago. My first “real” boyfriend in college who I had been with for two years had once blubbered while we watched Jules et Jim because it was his ex’s favorite movie — an ex who left him because he’d cheated.He said he wanted something serious, and after a few intense dates, he said he wanted that with me. But after a few months, it became evident that Brad, however eager to settle down, would never be able to commit to me. Yes, Brad, pushing 40, was still hung up on a girl he’d been with in high school. Another guy I’d dated was seemingly over the girlfriend that had left him, but if ever she came up in conversation, he’d become so melancholy I’d have to leave him be for a good 15 minutes to stare longingly into space.